Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Good News Wednesday XXIX: They're Coming Back!

These tumultuous times finally seem to be good for something. More and more heathens are returning to church.

The New York Times ran a piece a few weeks ago that says, "since September, pastors nationwide say they have seen such a burst of new interest that they find themselves contending with powerful conflicting emotions — deep empathy and quiet excitement — as they re-encounter an old piece of religious lore: Bad times are good for evangelical churches."

See you Sunday!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Top 100 Science Stories of 2008 (part 2)

Discover Magazine, a perennial EIGN favorite, has just put out their top science stories of 2008. Being a fan of both science creationism and year end lists, I spent the better part of an afternoon flipping through the 100 stories and was absolutely amazed at how many of those top 100 stories we've covered at EIGN in our first 9 months on the beat.

Here's part two of a two part series about the stories we covered that Discover considers the most important science stories of the year:

Number 45: Huge Population of Lowland Gorillas Found

Number 44: The Baffling Bee Die-Off Continues

Number 20: The “Doomsday Vault” Stores Seeds for a Global Agriculture Reboot

Number 2: The Large Hadron Collider. We've never talked about that thing before.

Their number one was something about the end of oil. Whatever the hell that is.

You can find part one of this story here.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Top 100 Science Stories of 2008 (part 1)

Discover Magazine, a perennial EIGN favorite, has just put out their top science stories of 2008. Being a fan of both science creationism and year end lists, I spent the better part of an afternoon flipping through the 100 stories and was absolutely amazed at how many of those top 100 stories we've covered at EIGN in our first 9 months on the beat.

Here's part one of a two part series about the stories we covered that Discover considers the most important science stories of the year:

Number 55: Polar Bears (Finally) Make the Endangered Species List

Number 46: FDA Approves Food From Cloned Animals

Number 7: Invisibility Becomes More than Just a Fantasy

Number 5: Nations Stake Their Claims to a Melting Arctic.

Stay tuned for part 2, including the number 1 science story of the year. Even the casual EIGN reader should know what that is.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Next Big Exercise Fad: Keeping Me Angry And Awake All Night

The holidays are a busy time for everyone, EIGN staff included. Between traveling, eating, drinking and socializing with old friends and neighbors, we're all a bit run down and tired. Yet none of this even compares to the personal hell I suffered through on Christmas Eve night. I got to see the sun rise on Christmas morning out the window; Laying on the floor 10 feet away from me was EIGN co-founder and my brother, Pete, snoring so loudly that I was unable to fall asleep for 4 hours. Happy holidays! So I guess it was irony or coincidentalally or funny or just the universe fucking with my head that I came across an article from the bbc yesterday about snoring.

According to the BBC "people with bedtime snoring and breathing problems may be using up far more calories while they sleep."

This throws us into an unusual paradox. Fat people snore more. people who snore more burn more calories. people who burn carlories lose weight. people who lose weight snore less. fat people that lose weight eat more. people who eat more get fat. Fat people snore more. What a weird cycle.

All of this is not to say that my brother is fat, just an asshole.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas

"A man dressed as Santa who had been having marital problems opened fire at a Christmas party, leaving more than three people dead in a home that then caught fire, authorities said." (wapo)

Merry Christmas, from EIGN.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Women Are More Promiscuous Slutty Than Men

According to some magazine in the UK named More, “Young women are more promiscuous than men, according to a survey that claims the average 21-year-old has had nine sexual partners compared with seven for men.” ( This goes against common sense. This also means you should move to the UK if you’re a young male who doesn’t think they are getting any here in the US. However I do not think moving to London is going to solve your particular problems.

“The poll of 2,000 [sinners] also found that one in four young women has slept with more than 10 people, compared with one in five men who had done the same.” (telegraph)

You are all sinners.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Guest Post: World of War(craft) Drop Outs

This guest post was written by friend of EIGN jg3.

With a tip of the 'ol fedora to SIA, we should note that the head of the FCC (and why the FCC is beyond me) is blaming the addictive nature of the video game World of Warcraft for the huge rate of college dropouts. (PDF, Page 10 ... and note that although she cites her source for a lot of the statistics she uses she gives no hint as to which orifice she pulled that "fact" out of)

While this is, on its surface plausible, sad, and humorous, the possibility that she might be wrong is even more terrifying. I mean, it might be possible that our country's compulsory education system is such a horriffic failure that kids who get to college today are too stupid to handle the requirements. Is it possible that our public school system has taken all of the innate joy out of learning for our children and once they get to college, with a room of their own and a high speed internet connection and a meal plan, that none of their classes are anywhere near as cool as shootin' dudes online?


I can only hope that these young dropouts have figured out that America's now-depleted military forces need an influx of new people who know how to use computers and guns. Despite being the stupidest, we can still be the safest superpower on earth.


jg3 is the creative force behind the hilarious, if rarely updated, slack-hacker blog. Do yourself a favor and read it now. It is way funnier than this site.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Women Prefer The Internet Over You

The species is doomed. It has been doomed for a while, but here's proof from a reputable source known as a blog (well it is a blog run by the wall street journal, but whatever). Women no longer want to procreate.
An online survey commissioned by Intel has found, among other things, that 46% of women would rather go without sex for two weeks than give up the Internet for that long. (wsj via
However it's not just the ladies that are willing to give up sex. A full 30%+ of men would also give up sex for the internet.

The survey was commisioned by Intel. What is Intel doing taking sex surveys you may ask? Faster computer chips mean faster access to pornography for more people.

Would it suprise you to learn that this is the least popular web site on the internet for these sexually deficient people? I wonder why.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Polaroid Film Goes Extinct

Polaroid film is about to go away. And people are sad.

"For me, watching a Polaroid picture develop is like watching a memory form right before your eyes," [Sean] Tubridy wrote on his Web site.

"With instant film, you don't get to make the choice of whether or not a picture is 'good enough' to make a print. You can't just hit delete because someone was making a weird face, or the framing wasn't quite right or in some way the image doesn't live up to the unattainable idea of perfection...

"It's life, and chances are, we'll find it in a box years later and be thankful that we have it -- dirty shorts, nervous smile and all." (cnn)

Stock up now, you only have a few months left. There may be a few options after the film finally disappears, but it's not the same.

check out for lots more pictures|news|links|stories|love.

[actual polaroid image courtesy of HST]

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Acorns Missing

Around the greater north eastern part of the country, and parts of canada, acorns have disappeared this year. What does this mean for squirrels and other small mammals around the area? Nobody really knows. Acorn watchers (yes there are such people) can't seem to find any, in some cases. And here's what's happening, "calls started coming in about crazy squirrels. Starving, skinny squirrels eating garbage, inhaling bird feed, greedily demolishing pumpkins. Squirrels boldly scampering into the road. And a lot more calls about squirrel roadkill." (wapo)
As for ideas, "many skeptics say oaks in other regions are producing plenty of acorns, and the acorn bust here is nothing more than the extreme of a natural boom-and-bust cycle. But the bottom line is that no one really knows. 'It's sort of a mystery,' Zell said." (wapo)

Who cares about a squirrel that can't eat this year? Not me, but I don't need to tell anyone what happens if the trees stop reproducing.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Spared Until June, The LHC Won't Be Back Online Until Summer

Good news out of CERN's Large Hadron Collider's press department: we're safe until at least June of 2009.

From the press release:
'The top priority for CERN today is to provide collision data for the experiments as soon as reasonably possible,' said CERN Director General Robert Aymar. "This will be in the summer of 2009.'
The initial malfunction was caused by a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's magnets. This resulted in mechanical damage and release of helium from the magnet cold mass into the tunnel.
'We have a lot of work to do over the coming months,' said LHC project Leader Lyn Evans, 'but we now have the roadmap, the time and the competence necessary to be ready for physics by summer. We are currently in a scheduled annual shutdown until May, so we're hopeful that not too much time will be lost.'

Question: this thing cost billions of dollars and they take annual shutdowns for 6 months? That sort of seems like a waste of money... At least we have another 7 months before those mini black holes suck the earth into oblivion.

[UPDATE 1:28pm: An EIGN reader pointed out that today is Wednesday and that this is good news. So this is your weekly GNW (Good News Wednesday) story. hope you enjoyed it.]

[image via]

Monday, December 8, 2008

...The new black death with reactors aglow. Do you think your security can keep you in purity?

I was really hoping we'd here from EIGN co-founder, and rare commentator, Pete on this one, but he's been sitting on his lazy ass not doing anything for the last three months and I guess he isn't ready to start doing anything yet.

This headline last week in the UK telegraph is nothing short of terrifying: "21st century plague discovered by scientists" which is followed by the by-line: "A new disease that is passed from rats to humans via fleas, much like the Black Death, has been discovered by scientists." (

Lets try and keep this new Black Death in Europe please.

Extra! Extra! Newspapers Are Going Bankrupt

Tribune, Co. (publisher of the Chicago Tribune, the LA Times, etc) is about to file for Chapter 11.
I'm sure there's a joke in here somewhere, but I'm not sure where. This does, however, serve as a reminder that I need to call my local paper and renew my subscription.

[UPDATE 4:51pm] They filed.
[UPDATE 2008-12-11 9:53am] I fixed a spelling mistake. Thanks everyone for pointing out the amazing work our editor is doing.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Another Holiday Death At Walmart

Last week we had this guest post about a worker at a walmart on Long Island being trampled to death on black friday. Yesterday brought news of another person at a walmart dying. This time an attempted robber was about to get away with $393 dollars worth of whatever crap walmart is selling these days when he was killed by a number of employees who jumped on top of him while waiting for the cops to show up. No charges are being filed. Really.

"In a reversal of the death of a 34 year old Wal-Mart worker last week under the feet of aggressive Wal-Mart shoppers, Donovan's death in Florida---three days after the Long Island incident---was at the hands of three Wal-Mart workers, who wrestled the alleged shoplifter to the ground, where the man died." (huff post)


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Three Out Of Four Computers Get Virus On US Military Base

The largest military base in Afganistan apparently suffered a computer virus that infected 75% of all computers on the base. Smart.
Even better, it was China or Russia that did it. Great.
"Details are still sparse, but both the LA Times and the U.S. News and World Report are reporting that the intrusion was severe enough to raise the INFOCON status, the information security equivalent of the DEFCON alert, and also necessitate the briefing of the president. We also don’t know the source of the attack, but signs point to state rather than non-state actors, with the most popular contenders being either Russia or China." (zdnet)

So now USB and other remote/portable media are banned on all army computers world wide. There's a funny joke in there somewhere but this reporter is too sick to think of it.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Forget Mass-Suicide, Global Warming Is Killing The Lemmings

"Once famous for their numbers, Norwegian lemmings are disappearing, say scientists, who point an accusing finger at global warming." ( Another species down the drain.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Guest Post: Black Friday Worker Gets Trampled To Death

This guest post was written by friend of EIGN jg3.

So perhaps you've seen this, but it was news under my rock this morning. Buy Nothing Day also called Black Friday was a very dark day indeed for one poor guy who worked at a Wal-Mart in New York. Just after the doors opened at 5 AM the surging crowd of shoppers trampled him to death.

I have to stop and think about this for a second. Here we have some schmuck who has to show up at 4 AM to make his $8/hour as a greeter -- clearly not hazard pay -- and the frenzied crowd "literally broke down the doors" to get in. That says a lot about their level of human-to-human courtesy and personal space all so they can get doorbuster deals on cheap, Chinese-made shit painted with lead. What the fuck, people? I know the economy is rough these days, but maybe you should just "buy less shit" rather than killing people in your rush to suck up the loss-leaders. Think for a second about what you're doing and why you're doing it! I'm all for the generous spirit of the season, but is it worth the life of Jdimytai Damour so you can save 20% off list price for a GPS? How about you just use a map!

Christ, get some Perspective, Man!

[Image: Garmin nuvi666 shows the fastest path to hell, with voce navigation! (credit: Garmin)]

jg3 is the creative force behind the hilarious, if rarely updated, slack-hacker blog. Do yourself a favor and read it now. It is way funnier than this site.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Weekend Snippets - We Spend Because We Love, Avoid Hotels, Enjoy Trees While They Last, Life

Sorry for the neglect. We have been busy doing things like feasting on turkey, drinking beer, experiencing the number 9 and the letter g, driving, laziness and a variety of other things that have prevented this site from being updated in the last week. But fear not, we have nothing but bad days ahead to report on. And this weekend has brought plenty of world ending signs with it...

* Even though the world economy is crumbing around us everybody still went out and spent an average of 372.57 dollars per shopper this weekend. I am happy to say that I only spent money on food and drinks. (wapo)

* You should never stay at a luxury hotel again. (Your EIGN reporters do not have this problem)

* Brazil's amazon rain forest lost an area the size of Israel to deforestation in 2007-2008. Isreal. That's not a big place, but it's not a small place either. ( via digg)

* We may be able to create life soon. And not in that fun, old fashioned way. (sd reader)

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My Bionic Eye

An artist in San Francisco wants to replace her lost eyeball with a bionic webcam. The scary part, "tech experts" (who?) say it's possible.

"Vlach, who lost her eye in a 2005 car accident, wears a realistic acrylic prosthesis, but she's issued a challenge to engineers on her blog: build an "eye cam" for her prosthesis that can dilate with changes of light and allow her to blink to control its zoom, focus, and on/off switch.

"There have been all sorts of cyborgs in science fiction for a long time, and I'm sort of a sci-fi geek," said Vlach, 35. "With the advancement of technology, I thought, 'Why not?'" (nydailynews)

Oh and more world ending news, this could lead to another reality TV show... from the perspective of her eye socket. Oh save me Jebus.

Monday, November 24, 2008

WHAT? A Church Is Encouraging Sex?? NOOOOOoooo

According to this article in yesterday's NYtimes, Reverend Ed Young, in Texas no less, encouraged his congregation to have more sex.

Mr. Young, an author, a television host and the pastor of the evangelical Fellowship Church, issued his call for a week of “congregational copulation” among married couples on Nov. 16, while pacing in front of a large bed." (nytimes)

Something does not seem right, organized religion of the evangelical kind encouraging sex of any kind? Although, in true pastor form, his quotes are genius: “'Today we’re beginning this sexperiment, seven days of sex,' he said... 'How to move from whining about the economy to whoopee!'" (again, nytimes)

How long until the Catholic church joins this band wagon? I, for one, am not amused by this "Pastor" and his sinful suggestions. EIGN is calling for yet another boycott. This time of Mr. Ed Young of Grapevine, Texas. You should be ashamed of yourself sir.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

ICE! COLD! SNOW! ... Good News Wednesday XXVIII

Considering the greater Northeastern part of the US is undergoing an early "great freeze," this article seems appropriate... We have great news for those of you that like the cold, the snow, the ice and everything else one experiences during the shit for months we're getting ready to experience for a while.

The next ice age may be a long one. And we're not talking tens of thousands of years but a "quasi-permanent colder state." The polar ice sheets could greatly expand and, well, shit could really hit the fan. (nytimes)

If you love the warmth, like both EIGN contributors do, too bad. Scientists "used climate models and other techniques to assess the chances that the world is witnessing the final stages of a 50-million-year transition from a planet with a persistent warm climate [to a cold one]." (nytimes) Awesome.

There is a grain of hope, however. It may just be that our ability to destroy our environment in the short term, with co2 and other greenhouse gases, may give us the ability to control the climate and prevent this new change. Good for us.

Stay warm out there.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Mayan River Of Blood (To Hell)

The AP, via washpost, followed University of Yucatan archaeologist Guillermo de Anda through some treacherous jungles, caves and underground lakes, in pursuit of the Mayans' "buried highway through hell."

"Legend says the afterlife for ancient Mayas was a terrifying obstacle course in which the dead had to traverse rivers of blood, and chambers full of sharp knives, bats and jaguars." And now de Anda says "a series of caves he has explored may be the place where the Maya actually tried to depict this highway through hell." (ap)

Caves are largely believed to have been sacred to the Mayans, the ancient Central American civilization that was a central tenant in the formation of this very web site. (See the countdown to December 21, 2012, the end of the Mayan calendar, and perhaps, the end of the world to the right.)
The network of underground chambers, roads and temples beneath farmland and jungle on the Yucatan peninsula suggests the Maya fashioned them to mimic the journey to the underworld, or Xibalba, described in ancient mythological texts such as the Popol Vuh.

"It was the place of fear, the place of cold, the place of danger, of the abyss," said University of Yucatan archaeologist Guillermo de Anda. (ap)

The Mayans were really a messed up people. I don't know if this story lends more or less credence to their belief that everything ends when their calendar does. But if they are right, rivers of blood, jaguars, and caves to hell sound pretty scary. I wonder what it will feel like to trudge through them in January of 2013.

Friday, November 14, 2008

More Plastic In The Ocean...

First it was NPR. Now it's PBS.

Once again we break the stories first. Well, actually, someone else breaks a story and then we put it on here and then the mainstream media picks up on it and we claim to have broken the story first. I am clearly ignoring the fact that EIGN doesn't actually do any "reporting."

Back on July 11th EIGN reported about how the Pacific ocean is filling up with trash. Last night the News Hour With Jim Lehrer aired a substantive ten minute segment about the same thing.
*Their conclusion: This is probably a bad thing, but we don't know for sure, however this could be the start of the end of the world. Okay, so they didn't use that phrase exactly, but they might of well have.
*Our conclusion: We dump so much freaking plastic into the ocean that from now on when I'm enjoying my favorite sushi I will have to worry about being poisoned by plastics and not mercury. And I love my sushi. Clearly there is always something to worry about when it comes to raw fish.

So take that PBS. Some blog about the coming end of the world beat YOU to a story. I fully expect All Things Considered will air a piece about this in February.

Full clip of the television segment can be found here.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

We Can See Extra-Solar Planets!

Holy crap. Apparently we can now SEE planets outside our own solar system.

"Two teams of astronomers made stunning claims today that they have separately obtained images of planets orbiting two different stars in our galaxy." (wapo)

Fox News has pictures.

I have reservations.

Nevermind, We're All Getting Fatter

Looks like I was wrong yesterday. We are all getting fatter. And better yet, it may be contagious.
Obesity could be socially contagious, according to new research by two of Britain's leading economists. Professor David Blanchflower, who sits on the Bank of England's monetary policy committee, and Professor Andrew Oswald, an expert on the economics of wellbeing, claim that the nation's expanding waistline could be down to people subconsciously trying to 'keep up with the weight of the Joneses'.
After analysing obesity data from the 50s to the present, the pair conclude that obesity may be transmitted across society in a way that is similar to the progress of a virus. (
Apparently the lemming like desire we all have to be like everyone else is causing us to put on pounds. How very, very sad for mankind. So, I guess, to all you overweight individuals out there. STOP EATING. I don't want to get any heavier than I already am.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Good News Wednesday XXVII: Green Is Good

Great news for those of you surrounded by trees. As if being surrounded by trees was not a great thing in itself. Your kids (or you, dear reader, if you are a kid) have less chance of becoming fat. Via or favorite science site,
Childhood obesity can lead to type 2 diabetes, asthma, hypertension, sleep apnea and emotional distress. Obese children and youth are likely to be obese as adults, experience more cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure and stroke and incur higher healthcare costs. In an article published in the December 2008 issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, researchers report that children living in inner city neighborhoods with higher "greenness" experienced lower weight gains compared to those in areas with less green space. (

Now if we could only convince those kids to put down their Call of Duty IV or Halo 15 or Rock Band and GO OUTSIDE. (and while there, please remember to look up more)
Happy Wednesday.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Save Our Economy or Ending World Hunger? Why Not Both!

In Americas never ending greed, our government is working on this 700 billion dollar bailout of the fat cats on wall street and main street and the back streets. Okay, so this is probably a good idea, or so those ivy league princeton liberal economists and such tell me. And even I think it's probably a good idea, but then I read things like this: 4% on the bailout funds could end world hunger.

From (via digg, I think):
The United Nations’ Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) stated that it would only take $30 billion a year to launch the necessary agricultural programs to completely solve global food insecurity.
$30 billion sounds like a lot of money, but considering we've just bailed out Wall Street to the tune of nearly a trillion, it's trifling. After I did a little digging, all I could think was...really? $30 billion is all we need to end world hunger? That's it? I thought such a major goal would require some unreachable, vast sum.

This number is only 4 freaking percent of the wall street bailout package. This is unbelievable. You should write/call/email/stalk your congressperson and ask them why they can't take 4 percent of the liberal bailout package money and feed the world. Check out the article for a bunch more interesting facts and statistics.

[image via flickr user mappix]

Monday, November 10, 2008

One Theory For The End Of The Mayans

The usatoday reported yesterday that it is possible an environmental disaster, or disasters, caused the downfall of the Mayan civilization.
"These models suggest that as ecosystems were destroyed by mismanagement or were transformed by global climatic shifts, the depletion of agricultural and wild foods eventually contributed to the failure of the Maya sociopolitical system," writes environmental archaeologist Kitty Emery of the Florida Museum of Natural History in the current Human Ecology journal. (

While this may not be news you really care about, this blog was, in part, created due to conversations and fascinations with the Mayan civilization. After all, just look at the countdown on the side of this page. So, how long until the environment causes the downfall of our civilization?

Friday, November 7, 2008

You Can't Say Fuck on Television

Or so says the supreme court, even though I don't think they've made their official ruling yet. (We all know what their decision will be).
"Circumlocutions like "the F-word" and "the S-word" sufficed as the court considered the year's highest-profile free-speech controversy. All signs now point to a tight decision over whether broadcasters can be fined for allowing use of so-called 'fleeting expletives,' which are swear words used in passing." (

The government's best argument comes directly from the mouth of Solicitor General Gregory Garre: "Loosening indecency standards, Garre warned ominously, could lead to 'Big Bird dropping the F-bomb on Sesame Street.'" Now that I'd like to see.

So I guess this was sort of bad, then:

Thanks to eign reader, and friend, jg3 for the story. And thanks to chase utley for the world series.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Your Cellphone Could Give You A Rash

As if all of the db's using cellphones everywhere was not a cancer on society, at least it's now going to be a cancer to the user as well. Well, if you consider a rash a cancer. All of those other mobile phone|cancer links have yet to be proven.
But, according to the, "Mobile phone users warned of new skin disorder caused by nickel on casing."

[image via flickr user portablematthew]

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Those Crazy Russians....Take That Obama!

And so it begins again...
"President Dmitri A. Medvedev of Russia greeted his future American counterpart, Sen. Barack Obama, with bristling language on Wednesday, promising to place short-range missiles on Russia’s Western border if Washington proceeds with its planned missile defense systems in Eastern Europe." (nytimes)


Anybody But Bush - Good News Wednesday XXVII

GREAT NEWS!!! A new president was elected yesterday. Bush will soon be gone!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Wait, People Are Actually Voting?

Wow. Everyone is already experiencing or expected to experience long lines today. Two sure sign the world is coming to an end... democrats may control the house, senate and white house, and people are actually voting. Run for your lives!

[Update 1:36pm] - All these idiots that are "voting" apparently are too busy congratulating themselves to pay attention to the road. According to the Journal of American Medical Association (via election day has more car accidents than any other day.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Who Likes Sewage In Their Drinking Water?

Back in april we wrote about the deterioration of water and sewer infrastructure in various places around the country. This time it's Pennsylvania and New Jersey that are on the brink of total failure. Via (we here at EIGN have been reading it a lot in the last few weeks) the authors find numerous examples that point to further problems if something isn't done soon.

To make matters worse, "'The more we put off these upgrades, the more expensive it's going to become,' said Patty Elkis of the Delaware Valley Regional Planning Commission." (

[image courtesy of me]

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Unimaginable Has Happened

If this isn't a sign that the earth is about to blowup then I don't know what is...

The Philadelphia Phillies Have Won The World Series

This also can be classified as a really late GOOD NEWS WEDNESDAY! We'll have much more on this story over the next few days, but for now visit for complete coverage.

[UPDATE - 10:35a] This is Philadelphia's first major sports championship in 25 years. The curse has been lifted.
"A scream of triumph decades in the making burst forth from bars and living rooms across Philadelphia [and other cities across the country -ed.] last night as the Phillies won their first World Series in 28 years.

Citizens Bank Park trembled beneath the feet of 46,000 ecstatic fans. Teeming masses of humanity instantly seized South Broad Street, the intersection of Frankford and Cottman, and Main Street in Manayunk. Center City was so crammed with revelers, it was a challenge even to move." (

[UPDATE - 11:05a]
AP Video Recap:

And, watch a video here of the fans taking to the street in Center City Philadelphia!

[UPDATE 11-03-08: 10:31am]

EIGN took a road trip down to Philadelphia for the championship parade on Halloween day. Walking down Broad Street with 2 million of my closest friends was an experience I'll never forget. These pictures do no justice in capturing the absolute insanity that was the city that day. We've never experienced anything like it.

[images courtasy of me]

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Good News Wednesday XXVI: The Salmon Will Be Alright

More human interference with nature, but this time maybe things aren't as bad as one would think...

"The heavily dammed Columbia and its largest tributary the Snake River in the northwestern United States serve as a breeding ground to millions of salmon, including endangered chinook and steelhead species, which have been dwindling steadily for years." (discovery news)

However, the damning appears to have no negative effect on any of the millions of salmon that reside in it's waters.

"Whether or not the eight dams along the rivers contribute to the decline has been a source of bitter controversy for decades. Conservation groups, the commercial and sport fishing industries and local Native American tribes have long blamed the fishes' plight on the dams."

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Why I Don't Go To Doctor (And You Shouldn't Either)

Nearly half of the doctors in this country (america, in case you didn't know) said they regularly use placebo treatments with their patients. Anything from OTC painkillers to sugar pills are apparently commonly used to try and shut a patient up. Which I would probably do too considering how many people must come in asking about all those new medicines they see advertised on TV during CSI: Miami.

More disturbing is that "many of these doctors are not honest with their patients about what they are doing, the survey found." (AP via msnbc)
Remember, when in pain, just walk it off.

Monday, October 27, 2008

...And We're Back... A Few Snippets: Hawking (Alien), Jersey (Trash), Food (Expensive)

Slightly rested, slightly tan, and slightly in debt, EIGN is back after our quick tour of the Western Caribbean.

*A bit dated, but: Stephen Hawking believes alien life exists.... or at least he hopes it does: "'Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare,' he then quickly added: 'Some would say it has yet to occur on earth.'" (msnbc)

*There's a "Jersey smells like garbage" joke in here somewhere: New Jersey is using methane produced by more than 20 of it's landfills to make electricity. A lot of electricity. (AP via yahoo news)

*It's getting more expensive to feed yourself. Who knew? (sfgate)

Friday, October 17, 2008

Program Note - EIGN on Vacation

Your regular EIGN contributor, namely me, will be on vacation next week sitting on that beach and others like it. And maybe, just maybe, bringing back some fresh pictures of Mayan ruins, look for those after our return. You may see a post from EIGN co-founder pete, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

We'll see you back here with regular updates on October 27th. Have a great week.

New Scientist: Economy To Destroy Earth

We don't really talk much about the economy here at EIGN. Probably because everyone else is all. the. time. So we try and focus on the more obscure (and amusing). Or maybe it's because it's so serious it actually scares us too much to write about. Either way, when one of our favorite online science sites posted a piece about how our economy may lead to the end of the Earth and not just the end of Us we had to chime in.

Genetics, the wind, the sun, physics, lowering your own carbon footprint, sustainable energy, making plastic bags illegal, etc. "Are these efforts to save the planet doomed?" Asks an op-ed piece over at the fabulous New Scientist.

"A growing band of experts are looking at figures like these and arguing that personal carbon virtue and collective environmentalism are futile as long as our economic system is built on the assumption of growth. The science tells us that if we are serious about saving Earth, we must reshape our economy." (new scientist)
The piece also links to a number of interesting stories from a special issue of the mag about saving the planet using the economy as a starting point. It's an interesting read, so you should check it out.

Ancient Optimism Naivety
"In his Principles of Political Economy, published in 1848, [John Stuart Mill] predicted that once the work of economic growth was done, a "stationary" economy would emerge in which we could focus on human improvement: "There would be as much scope as ever for all kinds of mental culture, and moral and social progress... for improving the art of living and much more likelihood of it being improved, when minds cease to be engrossed by the art of getting on."

Today's economists dismiss such ideas as naive and utopian, but with financial markets crashing, food prices spiralling, the world warming and peak oil approaching (or passed), they are becoming harder than ever to ignore." (new scientist)

Oh, silly John Stuart Mill.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Banning Plastic Bags Hurts Schools

In what might might be my favorite EIGN post to date, back in early August we wrote about Houston refusing to recycle. Today we award the city of Dallas the "Texas is full of idiots" award.

Dallas is not going to ban plastic bags
, like San Francisco just did, or tax them, like Seattle is about to.

One city council member "echoes the sentiments of the American Chemistry Council (which merged with the American Plastics Council in '02), which, in April, insisted a ban on plastic bags and food containers would 'have negative consequences on the local environment, the economy and the school system.'" (dallas observer)

Seriously? The SCHOOL SYSTEMS? Thank god Linda Koop is thinking of the children! Someone is finally thinking of the children!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

You Are Not Alone - Good News Wednesday XXV

Good news for those of you feeling a little isolated in these trying times. Try and remember: you are not alone: There are about 6,730,282,926 other people out there, just as sad and scared as you. (as of 10:13:43am EST, today)

For an updated count check out the US Census Bureau. And for more on this frightening number check out the world population entry over at wikipedia.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Weekend Snippets - Bombs, Hearing Loss, New Marine Life, and That Band Named After That River

*Bombs Away... 10 Hours Later:
A new bomb is being developed that can circle above a target for up to 10 hours is being developed in England. (

*Maybe you should put away the ipod and make a new friend:
Study shows that portable music devices can cause hearing loss. Haven't they been saying that since the walkman first came out in, what, 1854?

*Further proof that the ocean is bigger than we imagined:
Hundreds of new marine species have been found in the Southern Ocean.

*"Oh, that thing again":
The Science Channel is currently talking about the Large Hadron Collider creating black holes on television right now in the middle of some show about the universe. You can't escape this thing anywhere.

*Some lyrics from a new record I just purchased that have an EIGN theme and I have to mention because it's playing while I write this:
"and this book you once read / says there's less people dead / at this point now than those who are not."

Friday, October 10, 2008

Virgin Shark Gives Birth to Baby in Virginia

"In a study reported Friday in the Journal of Fish Biology, scientists said DNA testing proved that a pup carried by a female Atlantic blacktip shark in the Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center contained no genetic material from a male." (AP via

"'This first case was no fluke,' Demian Chapman, a shark scientist and lead author of the second study, said in a statement. 'It is quite possible that this is something female sharks of many species can do on occasion.'"

I wanted to suggest that maybe the poor shark was really ugly [like certain EIGN "reporters" -ed.] or had horrible social skills [like certain EIGN "reporters" -ed.] and that's why she couldn't land a boyfriend, but it turns out there were no male sharks at the aquarium she was staying in the entire 8 years she was there. Freaky! So we've got fish, sharks, some other animals, reproducing asexually. How long until women don't need men anymore. When that happens the earth will go nova for at least 49 percent of the world's population.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Good News Wednesday XXIV: Teachers Take Your Guns To School

Good news if you're a teacher or staff working in the the Harrold Independent School District in Texas. You may soon be able to carry a concealed firearm to school to "deter and protect against school shootings." Because everyone knows that introducing more guns to any school environment surely reduces the amount of guns around children. (dallas morning news)

There are too many great quotes to even include here, so be sure to read the full story, but here are some of the best:

"In order for teachers and staff to carry a pistol, they must have a Texas license to carry a concealed handgun; must be authorized to carry by the district; must receive training in crisis management and hostile situations and have to use ammunition that is designed to minimize the risk of ricochet in school halls."

"'When the federal government started making schools gun-free zones, that's when all of these shootings started.' [Superintendent David Thweatt] said."

My favorite part? Forcing them to use ammunition designed to minimize ricochet in the hallways. That surely violates someones second amendment rights, doesn't it? Teachers/staff of this school district: stand up for yourselves! Use pro-ricochet bullets! And remember, only the liberal east coast elite allow the federal government to impose silly "gun control laws" like stopping you from carrying a deadly weapon in a school or preventing your recently paroled crazy uncle from buying more than three guns at a time.

We've talked about how stupid (some) Texans are before, but this clearly takes the cake.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

One-Fourth of World’s Mammals Face Imminent Extinction

According to a new report released by the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) recently, nearly one in four species of mammals are facing immediate extinction. And nearly half of the 5,487 known species of mammal (that number is not thought to include Big Foot or that monster in Loch Ness) have negative population growth. (Read: more of them are dying than are being born. Sort of like the population of Japan.) I wonder what category homo-sapiens fall into.

“The new study to assess the world’s mammals shows at least 1,141 of the 5,487 mammals on Earth are known to be threatened with extinction. At least 76 mammals have become extinct since 1500.” ( But apparently scientists suck at statistics, because “’The reality is that the number of threatened mammals could be as high as 36 percent,’ says Jan Schipper, of Conservation International and lead author in a forthcoming article in Science.” ( Either way, I don’t like those numbers.

The report reads like a who’s who in species that are E (endangered), CE (critically endangered, EIW (extinct in wild) or HNBSINFY (has not been seen in nearly forty years). However there is some good news, animals like the black footed ferret and golden lion tamarin (seen here) have been brought back from the brink. “The results also show conservation can bring species back from the brink of extinction, with five percent of currently threatened mammals showing signs of recovery in the wild.” ( Well that’s a bit of good news.

Ah crap, looks like I spoke too soon… “But [biologist Jan Schipper] cautions that any conservation success is likely temporary unless the root problems of, for example, deforestation are addressed.” ( Oh well. Good try everyone.

[images courtesy of me]

Monday, October 6, 2008

Everything is Happy Underground (When You've Got Pyramids Around!)

I'm not sure if this story is super awesome or super scary. Awesome because we found more pyramids and other ancient ruins believed to have been built by the Nazca civilization over 2000 years ago. Scary because scientists apparently found them with satellites that can SEE UNDER GROUND.

Also, as we have talked about here at EIGN before, if there are still crazy things like great pyramids in the world that have yet to be discovered, why can't we accept the fact that there just might be a few big foots (big feet?) out there?

[image via national research council, italy]

Thursday, October 2, 2008

(Icey Roads + Salt ) - Salt = Crap!

Watch out for slippery roads this winter. There's apparently a salt shortage! OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOO!!!
In all seriousness though. I hope this AP article is an exaggeration because the drivers in my hometown are scary enough with salted snice (snow-ice) that i'm terrified to see what happens if it's missing. Yet another reason to hate winter.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Good News Wednesday XXIII: Africa Is Splitting At The Seams

Okay, so maybe that isn't good news. But for scientists that study the formation of oceans (people do that??) this is a rare event and therefor good news; Africa splits down the middle, water pours in. Ocean born.

"Africa is splitting apart at the seams—literally. From the southern tip of the Red Sea southward through Eritrea, Ethiopia, Kenya, Tanzania and Mozambique, the continent is coming unstitched along a zone called the East African Rift. This spectacular geologic unraveling, already under way for millions of years, will be complete when saltwater from the Red Sea floods the massive gash. Ten million years from now..." we might have a new ocean on the planet. (scientific america)

This is just another example of how short our time on earth is. And how ridiculous it is that we study this crap that won't take place until long after we disappear from this planet. But still, since EIGN readers are on the early side of this news story (sort of.) I suggest we get naming rights for this new ocean. Any suggestions? Put them in the comments. What better way to leave your mark on the world than naming a body of water that won't form for 10+ million years. Have at it.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Incident in LHC sector 7-G 3-4

A few updates about the Large Hadron Collider....

There was a "large" helium leak and now they have to fix some of the magnets. Which apparently will take a few months. So while we, and a lot of other sites, were kicking and screaming about how we were all going to be sucked into a mini black hole in october, we now have a few more months to get our affairs in order. Thanks CERN!

"The time necessary for the investigation and repairs precludes a restart before CERN’s obligatory winter maintenance period, bringing the date for restart of the accelerator complex to early spring 2009." (CERN press release)

Also, old news, but did you hear the LHC was hacked?!?

"Though the Large Hadron Collider's infiltration by hackers did not disrupt the historic project, experts warn that its computer systems are vulnerable -- though at least their exploitation won't destroy Earth. Shortly after physicists activated the Collider on Wednesday, hackers identifying themselves as Group 2600 of the Greek Security Team accessed computers connected to the Compact Muon Solenoid detector, one of four key subsystems responsible for monitoring the collisions of protons speeding around the 18-mile track near Geneva, Switzerland." ( [emphasis added -ed.]

[image from some simpsons website]

And She's Building A Stairway Elevator to Heaven

Those crazy Japanese are at it again. This time it's not a robotic cat or one of those TV game shows where you stick your head in a giant lizard pit. Which could be a whole post in itself...(see video below). This time, however, it's an ELEVATOR TO SPACE.
"Up and down the 22,000 mile-long (36,000km) cables — or flat ribbons — will run the elevator carriages, themselves requiring huge breakthroughs in engineering to which the biggest Japanese companies and universities have turned their collective attention." (
I'm sometimes scared to get on the elevator in my building, and that's only 8 stories up, imagine going 22,000 freaking miles. No thanks.

Anyway. Here's the amusing video I referred to about 3 sentences ago. Happy Monday everyone.

Friday, September 26, 2008

mmmmm.... Modified DNA... Great Taste! Less Filling! GREAT TASTE!! LESS FILLING!!!

"The Food and Drug Administration on Thursday opened the way for a bevy of genetically engineered salmon, cows and other animals to leap from the laboratory to the marketplace, unveiling an approval process that would treat the modified creatures like drugs." (latimes) Which is supposed to make food safer and healthier. Which sounds great until you realize that you're eating some mutant DNA that someone cooked up in some laboratory off of some freaky technology corridor in some freaky state.

Of course, there has to be an EIGN side:
"Many experts, however, say the proposed regulations may not go far enough to protect the public. In particular, they argue that the approval process would be highly secretive to guard the commercial interests of the companies involved, and that the new rules do not place sufficient weight on the potential environmental effect of what many consider to be Frankenstein animals." (latimes)

Frankenstein animals... I couldn't have said it better myself. Now when I am eating fish at a restaurant I will have to ask if this fish was genetically modified in addition to consulting this.

Also, did you know: "Only one genetically engineered animal is now being sold in the United States, the glow-in-the-dark zebra fish for aquariums. The FDA approved it because it is not eaten and its need for warm water effectively precludes its escape into the wild." This whole genetic engineer of animals (and soon humans, presumably) is wild.

Thanks to EIGN reader heather for the link.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Pink Floyd Has Nothing On The DOD

Did you know the US military already use lasers in Iraq? To "'warn or temporarily incapacitate individuals,' according to the Defense Science Board's report." (wapo) That's Freaky!

Also, the senate recently "embraced last year's Defense Science Board conclusion that directed-energy weapons -- such as high-, medium- and low-power lasers -- hold great potential and should be developed as soon as possible." (wapo)

Now get me my "frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads".

(image via novalasers)

Monday, September 22, 2008

"I wouldn't mind becoming his celebrity impersonator"

Ryan, what exactly do you think you've been doing the last year?

I have no idea who Joba Chamberlain is [he pitches for the NY Yankees -ed.], but apparently a lot of women on the New Jersey shore do.

A man who looks a lot like this Chamberlain guy apparently used his appearance to get a lot of free booze and girls. He isn't sure how many women he "bedded" but it was at least 100.

Ryan Ward, you unemployed presumably uneducated man from Asbury Park, NJ: you are the poster child for the death of morality and the promiscuity of ethics in the 21st (and last) century of this planet.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Slow Down, You Throw Too Fast, You've Got To Make The Moment Last

Imagine you're nine. And you can pitch 40 miles per hour. It doesn't matter that even I probably couldn't hit it. (okay I probably could, barely, but still...) And then you get banned from pitching. (espn)
This is what we're teaching our kids, if you're too good at something we will force you to stop. Or if you're too bad at something we will prop you up. (latimes)

""I feel sad," he said. "I feel like it's all my fault nobody could play,"" the boy said. Cheer up Jericho Scott, it's not your fault. It's the man's fault.

All those crappy players need to learn that sucking at something, in this case baseball, in life is normal. I wish I learned that at nine instead of nineteen, by that point my idealism was crushed AFTER I developed it, not before. Oh to be 10, cynical and depressed.

Most disturbing part of the story: "Local attorney John Williams John Williams was planning to meet with Jericho's parents Monday to discuss legal options. "You don't have to be learned in the law to know in your heart that it's wrong," he said. "Now you have to be punished because you excel at something?"" Aside from the wonderful use of the phrase "learned in the," fucking lawyers have to get their dirty hands in everything. I wonder if you can sue kids for being cry babies. That would set an awesome precedence.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Good News Wednesday XXII: More Ice Than Last Year

Good news. The artic melted less this summer than last summer. Take that! Al Gore.

"The annual summer retreat of the sea ice cloaking the Arctic Ocean appears to have ended with the ice not quite matching last year’s extraordinary recession, polar scientists said Tuesday." (nytimes)

Which sounds great... until you read the next paragraph:
Still, the scientists, at the National Snow and Ice Data Center in Boulder, Colo., said that the ice in the Arctic this summer was 33 percent below the average extent tracked since satellites started monitoring the region in 1979 and that the trend continued toward an ice-free Arctic Ocean within a few decades.
I think I'm going to put my head under the ice water and just pretend I didn't read that part, or the rest of the article. Yeah good news!

(image from [wtf? really? -ed]

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Booze Shrinks Your Brain; Apparently Eating Healthy Does Too

Bad news for all of our alcoholic readers out there: "Brain scans of more than 1,800 people found that people who downed 14 drinks or more a week had 1.6 per cent more brain shrinkage than teetotallers." (

But guess what, all of you "yogurt-sprout-eating mother f-ckers" take note: Apparently not eating meat causes mind shrinkage too. "Vegans and vegetarians are the most likely to be deficient because the best sources of the vitamin are meat, particularly liver, milk and fish." ( also)

As Denis Leary once said, "meat tastes like murder. and murder tastes pretty god damn great." Apparently it prevents my brain from shrinking too. The alcohol on the other hand....

Monday, September 15, 2008

Don't You Just Love The Sun? Doesn't It Make You Feel Good All Over?

"The future looks bright—maybe too bright"... is how this article begins the story of how the sun will eventually engulf the earth in a few billion years.
"The sun is slowly expanding and brightening, and over the next few billion years it will eventually desiccate Earth, leaving it hot, brown and uninhabitable. About 7.6 billion years from now, the sun will reach its maximum size as a red giant: its surface will extend beyond Earth’s orbit today by 20 percent and will shine 3,000 times brighter. In its final stage, the sun will collapse into a white dwarf." (scientific american)

The sun is one day going to go nova. This is the nova of the physical variety. The kind you learn about in school or hear about on NOVA. This is unrelated from the nova we talk about the earth experiencing here. The link is clear though. If our sun goes nova, we go nova. I think, however, humanity (or the aliens that overthrow humanity and inhabit this planet) will destory this planet long before the expected seven and a half billion years our star still has left.

One of the solutions, provided we are here, is MOVING THE EARTH out to a safer orbit. Anyone care to guess how long this could take? A billion years! A BILLION YEARS. Think about that. We don't, as a species, have the ability to think a hundred or even 50 years out when it comes to trying to save our planet. Oh well.

Oh and did you hear the world's financial market is collapsing? And that I am sick?

(image via

Friday, September 12, 2008

Sorry I'm Late, I Was Out Spoiling My Liver, I Couldn't Wait, The Sun Was Up For Far Too Long Today

Three mortal sins of man: smoking, drinking, gambling. Haven't we learned that the bible forbids these type of things?

But it looks like we're turning to these vices, in light of the rock hard times, with increasing ferocity. (wapo)

"Life's guilty pleasures usually thrive during tough economic times. Though we may forgo new frocks or fancy dinners out, we have traditionally turned to the three big vice industries -- gambling, smoking and drinking -- to help ease our pain." (wapo)

However, the Post points out, "But this time around is different. Smoking has fallen into such ill repute that many municipalities ban it. Fuel costs have made driving or flying to a casino a pricey proposition, and gambling has become almost an afterthought at many of the lavish new ones. Now it seems the only acceptable -- and affordable -- sin left is alcohol, namely beer." (wapo)

"I'd certainly chose food over beer," one man is reported to have said in the post article. Great, and these types of people are everywhere. There's no escaping them. If only they'd all choose food over beer, then they wouldn't be around any longer to pollute the rest of our gene pool. But given the number of alcoholic sinners out there I feel safe to say it's the end of the world, indeed.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Well, this is great news. It didn't kill us! At least today. It goes fully online on October 21st or 22nd, at last report. [See our countdown on the side of the page -ed.] But for now, those crazy physicists in CERN were unable to successfully create an Earth devouring black hole. Suckers.

But if it's so freaking safe would they really need a press release at the top of their home page (as of September 8th) saying just how safe it is?

[UPDATE 10:16am]
From CERN's homepage: "The first beam in the Large Hadron Collider at CERN was successfully steered around the full 27 kilometres of the world’s most powerful particle accelerator at 10h28 this morning. This historic event marks a key moment in the transition from over two decades of preparation to a new era of scientific discovery."

Stories about today's success can be found at the AP, Reuters, and pretty much everywhere else in the known universe (which is still here, for now.) Keep an eye on the countdown on the side of the page and on this site for updates on when they actually start slamming particles together. Which is when the real shit-storm begins.

AP video via youtube:

Thanks for not killing me, today, CERN. congrats.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

BBC News Wonders Why People Are Fascinated With The End Of The World; BBC Stupid

The question is, why didn't the BBC seek a comment from one of the EIGN writers.

"A huge particle accelerator experiment is about to start and a tiny group of people believe it could spell the end of the world. But why are we so obsessed with the possibility of apocalypse?" (bbc)

Yes, BBC, why are people fascinated by the apocalypse? Perhaps because we're all terrified of dying. Perhaps because we want to know what comes next. Perhaps because we're so tired of life on this rock that we NEED what comes next. Why do we flock to movies about asteroids destroying the earth? Or global warming. Or tornadoes, or nuclear weapons, I could go on and on. What a stupid question. Of course everyone is fascinated by the end of the world. We always have been, we always will be.

So you say yourself, "The world will end. That much is a certainty. But it may not be soon. And in all probability it will not come to a shuddering, fiery, boiling, cataclysmic end on Wednesday this week." And you're right, it probably won't, but if it does at least we'll spend that final nano-second of thought knowing we were right and you were wrong. And if we were wrong, well whatever, nobody reads this anyway.

Sleep well tonight everyone.

Science Raps Are The Best!

One of the press officials at CERN's large hadron collider decided to make an unsanctioned RAP video in between telling the world that this machine will kill us all (and perhaps the universe along with it).

Watch here:

When seeking comments for this story, one EIGN reader said: "if it kills us all, this made it all worth it." Worth it indeed. Happy tuesday. Don't forget to live life like today is your last day on Earth... it just might be.

Monday, September 8, 2008

God It Pays To Be Short Sighted: a few monday morning updates

* "A computer worm that ferrets out passwords managed to stow away on laptops aboard the International Space Station, NASA has confirmed. It is not the first time a NASA computer has become infected." ( I think the best part of that story is the implied browsing of internet porn by astronauts.

* "Unthinkable Happens: Manhattan Apartment Prices Fall" (nysun)

* The government is taking over the US economy. What happened to capitalism in this country? Anyone remember that if you fuck up you fail. Now, if you fuck up (and are a big enough company) you get bailed out by the government. (nytimes)

* We now have to share the woolly mammoth with Russia. Freaking communists are now trying to steal our extinct, pre-historic animals? Bastards. (nytimes)

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I'll Take "Having a Great Time, Getting Fired" for $400,000, Alex

Apparently you can rock out with college girls on a boat, get drunk, have your picture taken (from a crappy cell phone by the looks of it) and then be forced to resign with a $400k severance. Sign me up!

"An Iowa community college president resigned less than a week after a photo was published appearing to show him pouring beer into a young woman's mouth.

Iowa Central Community College's Board of Trustees voted unanimously yesterday to accept Robert Paxton's resignation and approved a severance package that officials said was valued at about $400,000.

Mark Crimmins, the president of the board, said although the incident happened in Paxton's private life, "it reflected poorly on the college." (
Anyone else think that guy (top left) is the whitest man alive?

Thanks to ICCC for perpetuating the absolutely astonishing practice of rewarding the rich for their stupidity and letting them get away with anything.

(photo from
(Thanks to EIGN reader jenn for the link.)

Friday, September 5, 2008

On The Cold Dark Ocean Floor I Asked To Come Inside And the Glow Replied

File this in the "scary if I saw it" category:

"Mystery Ocean Glow confirmed in satellite photos.
The newly released images show a vast region of the Indian Ocean, about the size of Connecticut, glowing three nights in a row. The luminescence was also spotted from a ship in the area." (

Okay, so it's probably a bunch of glow in the dark bacteria or something, nothing to be afraid of.... right? Um, so what happens when we spot it next time and it's the size of Florida?

(picture via

Thursday, September 4, 2008

If we make it past the 10th, October 21, 2008 May Be Our Last Day On Earth

It's possible we were wrong. It's possible the Earth may not be going nova after all. Rather, we may be sucked in an atomic vortex! How cool would that be?

Everyone's favorite black hole creating super-collider, (hear that Tevatron?) the Large Hadron Collider, on the Franco-Swiss border, appears to have set a go live dead date for the "first high-energy collisions" of October 21st. Provided we make it past the 10th of this month when the LHC is first turned on.

In an unprecedented feat of human ingenuity, it's taken 6,000 researchers, more than $8 billion dollars and over 10 years of work to destroy the earth in a few nanoseconds.

If "all goes according to plan, the superconducting magnets in the collider will zap atomic particles around the 17-mile tunnel at roughly the speed of light. Then the scientists will smash the particles together, replicating what happened mere nanoseconds after the first big bang." (science daily)

And then in 13.73 billion years another species in another universe will create another Large Hadron Collider, or even a Very Large Hadron Collider, to study what happened in the first moments after the big bang caused by this LHC.

Like our unanswered call to boycott the olympics, EIGN now continues its rally cry to boycott the LHC.

(image from