Thursday, July 31, 2008

Enslaved Bees Spreading Disease To Free Bees

For some random reason, perhaps because it could result in the end of the world, bees get a lot of coverage here at EIGN.

And just the other day we came across yet another story about the decline of the bee. The website brings us the story (and some nice pictures) about how commercially raised bees are escaping (these are probably the bees that are pretty pissed off) and spreading disease to their free, and healthy, brethren. The original Reuters story linked to by inhabitat can be found here.

"For years, researchers have been linking a decline in bees to everything from pesticides to genetically modified crops, and now the news is pointing to the bees themselves - the ones that humans “create” in greenhouses."

Awesome. When will everyone learn.... we can't piss off the bees. The risks are just too great. From being attacked to starving to death because they can't pollinate.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Good News Wednesday XVI(b): At Least You're Not This Dumb.

If you're reading this, take solice, at least you're not this fucking dumb. (We hope.)

"Drunk man tries to fill his car with jet fuel." (AP via msnbc)

Some idiot in California (shocking) broke into a small airport and tried to fill his gas tank with fucking JET FUEL. Seriously, really? The best part: The fuel cost 5.97 a gallon, which is more than premium even costs out there. Did he really think a fucking ford can run on jet fuel?

Even better, the operations guy at the airport said, "We've had people try and steal gas here in the past." Which lends further credence to my belief that everyone in California is an idiot.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Good News Wednesday XVI: Less miles, less cars.

We're driving less. (Yet every month my commute keeps getting longer and longer. But I'm not bitter.)

"In the first four months of this year, Americans traveled 40.5 billion miles less compared with the same period in 2007." (cnn) That's a lot of fucking miles.

Too bad the dollar still sucks, inflation continues unimpeded, and I still work in the suburbs.

Happy wednesday.

The Kids Don't Stand a Chance (or do they?)

Well, maybe we will make it past 2012, if the US Congress has anything to say about it.

So here's my favorite headline from the last few years, courtesy of the WAPO: "Lawmakers Agree to Ban Toxins in Children's Items" Full story here.

Wow! Thanks Congress.

Also, kudos to the big box stores for pulling these items off their shelves... IN 2009!
Earlier this year, the country's largest retailer, Wal-Mart; the biggest toy seller, Toys R Us; and Babies R Us told their suppliers that they will no longer carry products containing the chemicals, known as phthalates, as of Jan. 1, 2009. Toys containing these chemicals, however, will still be on many retail shelves during the holiday season.

Wow! Thanks Santa! Mom and Dad!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Aliens Exist! Says NASA Cosmonaut Astronaut.

"Dr Edgar Mitchell, said he was aware of several UFO visits during his career, but each one had been covered up." (

Mitchell was one of the last men to walk on the moon, and holds the record for longest moonwalk, at 9 hours and 17 minutes. Maybe all that time on the moon made him crazy. Who knows what he saw out there.

He added that they must not be hostile or else we'd have already been destoryed. Shockingly, NASA denied Mitchell's statement.

Friday, July 25, 2008

This Fish's Tongue is ALIVE!

Holy. Shit.
Scariest. Picture. Ever.
(you can tell by my excessive use of bold words)

Yes. That's a picture of the inside the mouth of a red snapper fish.
"A gross creature which gobbles up a fish's tongue and then replaces it with its own body has been found in Britain for the first time.
The bug - which has the scientific name cymothoa exigua - was discovered inside the mouth of a red snapper bought from a London fishmonger.
The 3.5cm creature had grabbed onto the fish's tongue and slowly ate away at it until only a stub was left.
It then latched onto the stub and became the fish's "replacement tongue". (bbc news)

Don't be scared, though, "scientists say the creature does not pose any threat to humans [yet!] and only attaches itself to fish tongues." FOR NOW!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Those Damn Russians Again.

Is it 2008 or 1962?

"The Russian military is considering deploying long-range bombers to Cuba to counter the perceived threat of the US missile defence shield planned to be based in the Czech Republic and Poland, according to Russian media reports Monday." (Deutsche Presse-Agentur via


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Good News Wednesday XV: No More Ugly Girlfriends

Not exactly end of the world material, unless you consider what might happen to the human gene pool if more ugly people started breeding...

Good news for all of you guys with ugly girlfriends: You can now order Ugly Bags (see picture) in bulk. Simply put over your girlfriend's head and instant attraction. (If you like that 1970s Charlies Angels look) Or keep a stash at your place, doubling the amount of girls you might find acceptable to bring home your parents.

[UPDATE: 10:47am]
Attention Female FEIGNs (Friends of EIGN): dcgrrl18 pointed out that you can find the male version of the UGLY BAG here. So now we can eliminate ugly boyfriends or boy-toys too.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Time To Use Our Influence

Attention EIGN readers. Al Gore has requested that we get the word out to you.

"He repeated the challenge he issued to the country on Thursday to produce 100 percent of its electricity from renewable energy and clean, carbon-free sources within 10 years. And he called on the bloggers to help achieve that goal, saying they were on the leading edge of reclaiming democracy for the grass roots." (nytimes)

Gore is so right, EIGN is on the leading edge of everything. Just as NPR.

In all seriousness though, you can do something, anything, to help. Please?

Monday, July 21, 2008

If You Like the Cold, Head To France. It's Cooler Than Space!

Heads up. It's apparently COLDER THAN SPACE in some tunnels under the France/Swiss border. (That's in Europe, right?). The BBC reports that the CERN Lab designed to fire tiny particles at each other at speeds nearing that of light is one "cool" place. "The Large Hadron Collider is entering the final stages of being lowered to a temperature of 1.9 Kelvin (-271C; -456F) - colder than deep space." (bbc)

Now I know some of you might actually click on some of the links in this blog, and many of you won't. But this story merits a quick read, if only because it reads like something that you would read right here on EIGN, albeit with better editing, grammer grammar, and word choice and a whole lot less cursing.

Once the LHC is operational, two particle beams - usually consisting of protons accelerated to high energies - will be fired down pipes running through the magnets.

These beams will then travel in opposite directions around the main ring at close to the speed of light.

At allotted points along the tunnel, the beams will cross paths, smashing into one another with cataclysmic force. Scientists hope to see new particles in the debris of these collisions, revealing fundamental new insights into the nature of the cosmos and how it came into being.

The most powerful physics experiment ever built, the LHC will re-create the conditions just after the Big Bang.

Currently, six out of the LHC's eight sectors are between 4.5 and 1.9 Kelvin, though all sectors of the machine have been down to 1.9 Kelvin at some stage over the last few months.

By comparison, the temperature in remote regions of outer space is about 2.7 Kelvin (-270C; -454F).

HOLY CRAP!, I just read the caption on the picture included in the article: "The CMS detector will search for the Higgs boson - the so-called "God particle"."
What the fuck is a God particle? And what the fuck are we doing looking for it? And what happens if we find it? And what happens if we find it on December 21st, 2012? Do we really need to turn this thing on?

Friday, July 18, 2008

Sucks to You: Your Life is Now Worth 11 Percent Less

"The Associated Press examined the Environmental Protection Agency’s cost-benefit analysis over the past 12 years and came to a startling conclusion: The statistical value of an American life is worth almost $1 million less than it was five years ago." (christian science monitor)

The thought that life can be valued at all is really scary, but look on the bright side: the AP also notes that "the EPA places the highest amount of value on a human life of any government agency."
Wow, that makes me feel a whole lot better.

Happy friday. Please don't die.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Fake Tattoo Causes Stir

The Philly Inquirer reported yesterday about a women who received a temporary tattoo of a rose from a surgeon while under anesthesia.
I can't figure out what is the bigger sign of the impending apocalypse: how much of a fucking idiot this doctor is or that this woman is suing because she's "extremely emotionally upset by it." (
Although I guess if I woke up after surgery and found a temporary rose tattoo below my panty line I'd be freaked out too.
No word if it looks like this.

Thanks to occasional EIGN reader jenn for the link.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

GNW XIV: Beer Central to Evolution

EXTRA! EXTRA! "Suffice it to say that the good news is really good: Beer is a health food."

A few weeks ago we had a post about how being sarcastic is a sign that I'm better than you. (Or to generalize, that the sarcastic person is more evolved than the person without the sarcastic personality.)

Today we bring you this news: Beer is essential for civilization. "The development of civilization depended on urbanization, which depended on beer." Says George F. Will of the washington post.

Basically it goes like this. Alcohol has some anti-biotic properties to it. When civilization started to urbanize a long time ago (that is, if you believe in evolution and not that God threw us on this planet the way we are today) water quickly grew polluted and spread disease. So people turned to the hooch. They drank, a lot. "Dying of cirrhosis of the liver in your forties was better than dying of dysentery in your twenties."
To avoid dangerous water, people had to drink large quantities of, say, beer. But to digest that beer, individuals needed a genetic advantage that not everyone had... This ability is controlled by certain genes on chromosome four in human DNA, genes not evenly distributed to everyone. Those who lacked this trait could not, as the saying goes, "hold their liquor." So, many died early and childless, either of alcohol's toxicity or from waterborne diseases. (wapo)

The story ends with a quote I have never heard before, and one I will never forget. Ben Franklin, everyone's favorite idiot with a key, said at one point, "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Amen, Ben, Amen. Happy Wednesday.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

That's a lot of plastic

Last week we had a post about garbage collecting in the ocean. A lot of that garbage was made up of plastics that take thousands of years to disintegrate.

EIGN reader jg3 then alerted us to this post over at CNN about all of the plastic shopping bags one gets when leaving the grocery store, walmart, your local porn shop, etc. And the numbers are mind-blowing.
Across the world more than 13 billion bags are issued every year to shoppers -- that's about 220 per person. On average they are used for 12 minutes before being discarded, but then they remain in the environment for thousands of years.
Across the world more than 13 billion bags are issued every year to shoppers -- that's about 220 per person. On average they are used for 12 minutes before being discarded, but then they remain in the environment for thousands of years. (cnn)

I am the first to admit that I contribute to these 13 billion bags (although I always re-use them for other purposes). I wouldn't if only I could remember to bring my re-usable sack to the store, but my memory is not what it used to be. Perhaps I should start playing this game again...I think it helped when I was young, but I can't really remember.

Monday, July 14, 2008

EIGN: We Break News Out of Canada Faster Than You Do

NPR just ran this story today on "All Things Considered" about the cost of popcorn soaring. Does this sound familiar? EIGN readers may remember our post about this nearly a month ago. Hmmm.

EIGN's new tagline-- "EIGN: we break news out of Canada faster than you do" Robert Siegel, we're glad to have you with us.

Your loss, Sex in Space, Beatles as Christian Rock?

I had a good story to pull from the early edition of the sunday washington post. But I can't find it online. Not being able to find something on-line... if that isn't a sign that the world is coming to an end, what is?

... maybe that all those promiscuous, sex-addicted, liberal, atheist monsters want NASA to take space sex more seriously. Promiscuous sex in space? Society truly must be coming to an end. (universe today)

Speaking of liberal atheists, a new previously unreleased interview with everyone's favorite "bigger than Jesus" band, who once even predicted "that Christianity would "vanish and shrink", it turns out that John Lennon was a Christian.
In the interview, which was recorded in 1969 and is being aired on BBC Radio 4's Sunday programme, he talks about the Church of England, his vision of heaven, and expresses disappointment at not being allowed to marry his second wife, Yoko Ono, in church.
"Now I wasn't saying that was a good idea [saying Christianity would "vanish and shrink"], 'cos I'm one of Christ's biggest fans. And if I can turn the focus on the Beatles on to Christ's message, then that's what we're here to do."(

Friday, July 11, 2008

Ocean Garbage Dump

Ever heard about the huge garbage dump in the middle of the Pacific? I heard about it on the radio one time a few years ago. And now Discover Magazine has a very interesting, and at times scary, article on the subject. A number of strong currents all come together at this area of the Pacific Ocean and create a "circular" effect where the garbage hangs out and destroys our environment.
“In the central North Pacific Gyre, pieces of plastic outweigh surface zooplankton by a factor of 6 to 1,” according to a report based on Moore’s research. “Ninety percent of Laysan albatross chick carcasses and regurgitated stomach contents contain plastics. Fish and seabirds mistake plastic for food. Plastic debris releases chemical additives and plasticizers into the ocean. Plastic also adsorbs hydrophobic pollutants like PCBs and pesticides like DDT. These pollutants bioaccumulate in the tissues of marine organisms, biomagnify up the food chain, and find their way into the foods we eat.”

So this is where all of those old paper copies of discover magazine my mom throws away, and the 40 billion plastic, "disposable," bottles of water, end up.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Bionic Eyes Please.... go along with my cell phone ear piece. One step closer to being a robot.

Apparently adding tiny LEDs onto the surface of a contact may one day give us the ability to have things projected onto our eyes. How terminator of us.

Examples of an early use would be things that would benefit the, somewhat ironically, audibly impaired by projecting things like a fire alarm alert directly onto their cornea. However, the (mad) scientist behind this project also said, "We are looking right now at gaming, augmented reality, computing, telecom and medical applications." (

A quick read of that sentence makes a lot of sense. There are potentially a large amount of promising applications for this new technology... But wait, did he say "AUGMENTED REALITY", holy christ! That's a bit, um, terrifying. "So yeah, I'm designing a contact that AUGMENTS REALITY! It'll be great!" (clearly not an actual quote)

He didn't, however, list adult entertainment as a potential application of this new device, which clearly drives most technological advancement these days. Or is that what he means when he says "augmented reality." hmm...

Monday, July 7, 2008

What we did with our Stimulus Package

So this is what it's come to. This is the path society has taken. Here's what we did with our stimulation stimulus checks: Buy Porn.
An independent market-research firm, AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), has discovered that many websites focused on adult or erotic material have experienced an upswing in sales in the recent weeks since checks have appeared in millions of Americans' mailboxes across the country. (huffington post)

Thursday, July 3, 2008

400 million dollars that could go to something, anything, useful now gone.

Everyone's favorite fat republican is now a fat-cat republican. (not that he wasn't already)

As if high gas prices, higher food prices, and aliens at wimbledon weren't enough, turns out Rush Limbaugh just inked a 400 million dollar contract. 38 million a year. 100 million signing bonus. Fat bastard. (ap)

EIGN will be off for a few days, see you next Tuesday or so. Happy 4th of July. Enjoy it, if the Mayans are right we only have 5 left.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

GNW XIII: Are you sarcastic? Good, that means you're evolving

A neurophysiologist at UCSF apparently has discovered/decided that sarcasm is an important part of human interaction. (wait, really? important??)
Evolutionary biologists claim that sociality is what has made humans such a successful species. We are masters at what anthropologists and others call "social intelligence." We recognize and keep track of hundreds of relationships, and we easily distinguish between enemies and friends. (
Right, because everyone I know is so "socially intelligent".

I think this example of why sarcasm is such a great evolutionary trait, and my favorite quote from the story, is this:
It's also easy to imagine how sarcasm might be selected over time as evolutionarily crucial. Imagine two ancient humans running across the savannah with a hungry lion in pursuit. One guy says to the other, "Are we having fun yet?" and the other just looks blank and stops to figure out what in the world his pal meant by that remark. (
Did you get my sarcasm? What a stupid quote.

So, if you haven't figured it out yet, this is good news for me because I am sarcastic. And while I might not always be that funny with my sarcasm, at least I get it when someone else tries to be. I won't be tricked into being eaten by a lion anytime soon. Suckers.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Look Up More.

This USA Today article begins: "Summertime — a time for sunny days, beach weekends and of course, leisurely reflections on the end of the world and the monster asteroids that could smack into us." It also quotes a man who has written a book entitled: Death from the Skies! These are the Ways the World Will End. It also spends a good deal of time talking about Tunguska. (You know about Tunguska, right?) "In terms of risk to Earth, astronomer David Morrison of NASA's Ames Research Center says a Tunguska-magnitude strike could happen once every two centuries." That blast could destroy a city the size of Los Angeles in seconds. Or exasperate the global. food. crisis. Awesome.

According to another scientist, who produces the article's conclusion, "The sky isn't falling, but there are still good reasons for keeping an eye on it."
Reasons such as giant balls of rock and ice and fire on a direct collision course with our little planet, or those little rocks we can't even see in the sky that are waiting to fall crashing into your skull, or a rock taking out a satellite, thereby preventing you from using your stupid fucking blackberry. See? It all comes back to you, bitch. This is all your fault. Thanks. (this is not a direct attack at any of our loyal readers)

Just remember, look up more.