Friday, July 31, 2009

Killer Robots!

Scientists Worry Machines May Outsmart Man (nytimes)

At a recent conference in California leading robotics and AI experts spent a few days discussing the future of their fields. And they "generally discounted the possibility of highly centralized superintelligences and the idea that intelligence might spring spontaneously from the Internet. But they agreed that robots that can kill autonomously are either already here or will be soon."

I'd like one please!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Government Wants Me Dead


I am currently suffering from some or all of the following symptoms:
* hay fever or other upper respiratory allergies
* sneezing
* runny nose
* itchy, watery eyes
* itching of the nose or throat
* nasal congestion due to the common cold, hay fever or other upper respiratory allergies
* swelling of nasal passages
* sinus congestion and pressure
* poor breathing through the nose

In order to temporarily relieve some or all of these symptoms I purchased Claritin-D at my local pharmacy. To do this I was required to show photo identification, have said identification scanned and entered into the computer three different times (likely due to CVS incompetence), sign some electronic device saying something that I did not have time to read because of too quick a timeout, and then actually have to pay 20 bucks for 15 pills.

Why do you require such information for me to buy 15 pills? I am not planning on making the smallest portion of meth ever. Get off my back and let me attempt to breathe in peace.

Thank you.

Slim Jims Everywhere

A few weeks ago we posted about how Slim Jims are going to be an endangered species this summer.


Just take a look at this picture taken at a WAWA in New Jersey:

I see Orignal, Mild, Tabasco Hot, Nacho, Sinister (Double the Meat!), Beef 'n Cheese, Deli Style Meat Stick, Beef Jerky Original, Beef Steak (Teriyaki), and Beef Steak Original.

Slim Jims for everyone!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Why We Rock (Again)

Once again the "Main Street Media" lags behind EIGN...

Last Thursday we wrote about British Health officials promoting sex in their schools.
Yesterday the Washington Post ran it.

Go mainstream! Get your news weeks later!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


The mystery has apparently been solved before this post went live:
The goo is "marine alge." (or that's what "they" want you to believe)

Original Post:

Holy Shit! Some blob of goo is floating around the waters of alaska and it has nothing to do with Sarah Palin, apparently. Says the Anchorage Daily News: "Huge blob of Arctic goo floats past Slope communities. IT'S NOT OIL: No one in the area can recall seeing anything like it before."

"Nobody knows for sure what the gunk is, but Petty Officer 1st Class Terry Hasenauer says the Coast Guard is sure what it is not.

"It's certainly biological," Hasenauer said. "It's definitely not an oil product of any kind. It has no characteristics of an oil, or a hazardous substance, for that matter.

"It's definitely, by the smell and the makeup of it, it's some sort of naturally occurring organic or otherwise marine organism." (adn)

So there is some sort of naturally occurring organic (or otherwise!) marine organism that nobody has seen before that is "thick and dark and gooey" that streches for MILES off the coast of alaska and nobody is concerned? Now I have three reasons not to go to Alaska.

[UPDATE 7-24-2009 9:44A]

EIGN contacted a local marine life expert (our very first actual, first person, foray in reporting), who spoke anonymously for fear of appearing as an official source on a "stupid blog," said "it was an algal bloom, but [it's] very rare for those to occur that far north."

Friday, July 17, 2009

The Sky Is Falling (Again) In The Arctic Ocean

Is it or is it not melting? That is the question.

Last summer we reported that the Arctic Ocean melted less in 2008 than it did in 2007 via a story in the NYtimes.

Yet now NASA says that a new survey reported dramatic ice thinning. (via science daily)

I'm so confused.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Why I'm Glad My Kid Does Not Go To School In The UK And Why I Will Never Let Her Visit There

The National Health Service in England sent out a leaflet to schools telling students "pupils they have a 'right' to an enjoyable sex life and that it is good for their health." (

"Under the heading 'an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away', the leaflet says: 'Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes physical activity three times a week. What about sex or masturbation twice a week?'"

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Good News Wednesday: The Jim Could Actually Get Slim Edition

Slim Jim's are endangered.

"An explosion last month destroyed the only Slim Jim plant in the U.S." and they won't be producing any more slim jims until at least august. (msn money)

Now is your chance to slim up and eat healthy.

In a related shortage note, knob creek whiskey is also out of stock because of large demand. This, however, is not good news.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

From The Field: Your Bees Are Probably Starving

An EIGN reader sent in this note from the field via the Northern Virgina Beekeeping class newsgroup:

Your bees are probably starving. That is if you own bees. However the implications for everyone else are obvious and have been reported here before. No food for bees? No food for us. Full EIGN bee coverage can be found here.

Our favorite part of the email: "Hungry bees can become angry, frustrated bees, they're spiteful, something did this to them, ah HA! It's her! That @#$%! Let's get her!"

----- Forwarded Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 28, 2009 12:43:44 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: Your bees might be very hungry (solution = feed 'em)

Hi everyone,
This e-mail is going out to PWR club members, both seasoned and newbee alike. Over the past few days, I've visited several people's hives and mine too. We all have something in common. Our bees are STARVING. You may be fortunate to live in an area that still has a nectar flow, but the odds could be that your nectar has shut off. You need to eat, and so do your bees! If you don't feed, your queen won't lay to her potential, comb won't get drawn, your bees may rob other hives, or worse, your neighbor's sangria bar, or REALLY worse, your bees could die over time.

Here's the questions to ask yourself while you inspect:

1. If you recently put honey supers on, (which assumes you're not simultaneously feeding sugar water while your supers are on) are your bees drawing comb or storing nectar off their forage? (REMEMBER FROM CLASS: The term honey "supers" means YOUR honey, not your bees'--I'm not talking about the honey your bees are storing in the brood area.)

2. In your honey supers, are you finding empty comb, when only 2 weeks ago you saw honey/nectar in these combs?

3. When you go into the brood chamber and pull frames of honey are there clusters of bees arranged in a arc on the frame with their heads in cells at the edge of your capped honey, looking like horses gathered around a watering hole?

4. Do you notice "shiny" bees which don't look fuzzy or hairy at all, but their thorax and abdomen look like they were polished with a buffing cloth?

5. Are your bees suddenly queenless, with NO sign of queen cells in an emergency supersedure?

These are tell tale signs that your bees are very hungry.

#1 above. Despite the rains we've had, despite the green lawn you have, the bees may be feeling a drought in some places. Is your location one of those places? Our northern Virginia nectar flow is coming to a screeching halt, I believe. If you get a fall flow where you live with Golden Rod and Aster, consider yourself lucky. Some folks think the rains in early June washed the nectar out of the dutch clover. You think your bees are getting nectar from dutch clover? You might want to check your honey supers to make sure.

#2 above. If your bees feel like there is a threat of "famine" they will take "your" honey above and store it down below. To the bees, honey serves one purpose and it ain't so you can enjoy your toast in the morning with some tasty miele. Their goal is to LIVE, to SURVIVE, just as all living things desire. They will serve their needs over yours, everytime, take that one to the bank.

#3 above. Your bees are feeding themselves. They feel the pinch. They're trying to tell you, "Feed me, and feed me lots!" They will use this honey to not only nourish themselves, but also to nourish (1) uncapped larvae, (2) uncapped queencells if any, (3) queens and (4) drones. Doesn't take long to figure out this resource is limited and precious.

#4 above. People think I'm making this one up. Trust me, & look closely when you inspect. Most of your bees are fuzzy. Some of your bees may be robbing other hives. When they go to raid another colony, they will be met with resistance usually. Fighting will break out, it is primeval, it is all about survival, nothing personal. You got what I want, and I need it, or I or my sisters will die next door, so LET ME HAVE IT. It's a war. Bees lose their hair in war, Not me I lost my hair raising kids, but your bees if they're bald will appear shiny and almost "blacker." These bees have been robbing other hives. Why? Because they're hungry. So please feed them. You wouldn't starve your dog, why starve your bugs?

#5 above. Hungry bees can become angry, frustrated bees, they're spiteful, something did this to them, ah HA! It's her! That @#$%! Let's get her! Ok, it may not be quite like this, but I've seen a hive kill their queen during a robbing frenzy. I think it's friendly fire, fratricide...maybe sororicide, who knows. You don't want this to happen to you. What can you do? Psssst..... hey, it's easy, FEED!

So by now, I hope everyone has the message loud and clear, if you see these signs pls feed feed feed FEED! If you don't, your bees might pay for it. If your bees don't kick the honey bucket by July, without syrup, then you're very lucky.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Breaking News: Swine Flu A Global Government Conspiracy To Rid Planet of Fat People

Today's breaking news. The earth is indeed going nova, but apparently only for the morbidly obese--at least this week.

H1N1 (ie: Swine Flu) is a government conspiracy to kill fat people.

"What it means for the U.S. population:
These findings are especially worrisome because nearly two-thirds of U.S. adults are now clinically obese. Combined with widespread vitamin D deficiency, nutritional deficiencies and pharmaceutically-induced immune suppression, the U.S. population is more vulnerable to a pandemic right now than any other population in the history of the world." (

Sucks to you.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Stupidest Thing I've EVER Read

I'm not kidding. This really takes the cake.

Some idiot (Mark Pfeifle) over at the Christian Science Monitor suggested a few days ago that the latest,greatest social downfall of man networking site, twitter, should be awarded a Nobel Peace Prize for it's role in last month's Iranian uprising. (Note to Mark: You do realize that peace didn't win over there, right? Are you suggesting we start giving out Peace Prizes for people (and computer software, for that matter) that don't even bring peace?)

To make matters worse, the writing sucks too.
"Although we don't know how the uprising in Iran will end, or where the symbols of freedom and liberty will again be given power by people who require an unfettered means of communicating with the rest of us, Twitter and other social media outlets have become the soft weapons of democracy. Twitter told us the story of Neda's supreme sacrifice. It is telling the story of the Iranian people yearning to breathe free. For those reasons, Twitter deserves consideration for the Nobel Peace Prize." (CSM)


In other twitter news, Time Magazine just ran a piece about "How Twitter Will Change The Way We Live." Which I think is a bit of an overstatement, but it was the most thought provoking pro-twitter article I've ever read.

And it was really well written:
"There's a kind of resilience here that is worth savoring. The weather reports keep announcing that the sky is falling, but here we are — millions of us — sitting around trying to invent new ways to talk to one another." (time)

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Snippets: Guilt and Stealing and Cyber-Terrorism, Oh-My!

The latest trends foreshadowing the end:

*Guilt: Some idiot in Salt Lake City who stole a stop sign in his youth decided to pay the city back... 35 years later. (npr)

*And speaking of stealing, how about some massive identity theft, stat style: Social security numbers may be hackable. "Two researchers say they've figured out the code, and identity thieves might not be far behind." (msn)

*And speaking of hacking, how about some cyber-terrorism, NoKo style: "Cyberattacks that have crippled the Web sites of several major American and South Korean government agencies since the July 4th holiday weekend appear to have been launched by a hostile group or government." North Korea or pro-North Korea groups have been implicated according to Yonhap, a SoKo news agency. (nytimes)