The Slippery Slide of Civilization

Further proof [as if we needed any more -ed.] of the slippery slope slide towards moral bankruptcy in America.
Poor townsfolk in Bartlett, Tennessee are having to deal with pornographic videos being filmed in their CHILDREN'S PARKS! The sinner seen in the picture to the right was (not) caught filming a pornographic video in a local park. That's illegal right? (parental advisory: this video contains amusing interviews with hicks saying amusing things.)

Full video here. (msn)

[UPDATE 10:17am: due to numerous queries, please be advised, this video does NOT contain anything graphic. It is video of a local news channel in Tennessee. It is not porn. It is okay to watch at work. Sorry to disappoint those of you that thought it WAS porn.]

Sex and the City Olympics. Part Two

Follow up to this story we "reported" about a few weeks ago:

"Tomorrow night thousands of young men and women with the most fit, toned bodies in the world will mingle for the last time before they fly home. What might they get up to?" (timesonline.co.uk)

We're all about the moral decline of the human race this week, and by week we mean always.

Some quotes from the article:

"I played my first Games in Barcelona in 1992 and got laid more often in those two and a half weeks than in the rest of my life up to that point." ... "Women from all the countries of the world: muscular, virile, athletic and oozing estrogen. I spent so much time in a state of lust that I could have passed out."
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"It was not just the guys. The women, too, seemed in thrall to their hormones, throwing around daring glances and dynamite smiles like confetti."
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"Once we were eliminated from our respective competitions, we lunged at each other like suicidal fencers. There may have been a fair amount of gay sex going on, too - but given the notorious homophobia in sport it was rather more covert."
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"When it comes to sex, it simply means that those in relationships no longer recognize, or at least ignore, the boundaries of fidelity and honesty that underpin human monogamy. Philosophers call it moral relativism; the rest of us call it hypocrisy."

...And EIGN calls it SINNING. (it is possible that we are just bitter because we can't get into the olympic village, so our frustration manifests itself as moral supremacy.)


Also, Pete says hi. He would have posted this himself, but he's really lazy.

Good News Wednesday XIX: I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Whatever the Fuck A 39 cent "Vanilla Cone" Is Made Out Of

Who said you can't find a good deal out there anymore? Who says there is a global food crisis? Apparently somewhere out there you can still get a "Vanilla Cone" for 39 cents!

Two problems. One: This deal is only available on Sundays. (look closely at the sign) And I hear parking is a bitch there on Sundays. Two: I have no idea where this picture was taken. Presumably between an old person home and a gay pinwheel stand.

(picture originally found here.)

Learning to Fly

Okay, so I do not believe this story at all. But if it's true we may be the first to break it in the US... two separate but equal papers in England are reporting of cats that have grown wings in some freaky Chinese provence. (dailymail.co.uk, telegraph.co.uk)

Can anyone debunk or confirm these reports? Is it natural selection or some freaky Chinese government genetic experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong. I have wanted a cat for a long time now, but there is no way I'm getting one of these freaks of nature. Warning, do not start using the expression "when cat's fly" in place of pigs because it looks like that may soon be happening. Someone really needs to put one of these pictures up on kittenwar.

(image from dailymail.co.uk)

School Lunch Prices

Back in June we had a post, one in a long line of posts, about global food prices and their effects on everything from the cost of popcorn to riots in haiti.
We also had a post about school lunch prices getting set to sky rocket. That post linked to an MSNBC article that, obviously, was written to scare parents everywhere.
And so, as schools are starting to open in a large part of the country today, the NYTimes has this story, three months after MSNBC did, "As Food Costs Rise, So Do School Lunch Prices." (nytimes)

"Prices on some school lunch lines are going up this fall as school officials, like many others, struggle to pay higher prices and delivery fees for staples like bread, milk, fresh fruit and vegetables. The price increases, generally about 25 cents a meal, come as school districts in New York and across the country try to eke more out of already tight budgets, with some switching to four-day schedules to reduce utility and busing costs, and others asking more of their students to walk to school or limiting out-of-town games for athletic teams."(nytimes again)

This is unfortunate for all families struggling to make ends meet already with high energy prices. And now we are asking our children to cut back on sports against their arch rivals over in Shelbyville just seems a little unfair. Then again, I would have been all for a 4 day school week when I was young... our children need no five hole days to be edumacated.
We're already the smartest in the world.... oh wait, never mind. (usde)

More On That Freaky Black Hole Creator Large Hadron Collider

You know something just isn't right when the second sentence of an article from telegraph.co.uk reads "Scientists are pushing ahead with powering up the machine, shrugging off speculative fears that it could destroy all life on Earth by sucking it into a black hole."

And so it goes, we're one step closer to the Large Hadron Collider, which we've talked about before, coming fully online.

"Earlier this month, the successful injection of the first particles - protons - into part of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment at CERN, the European Centre for Nuclear Research, took place.

This weekend, scientists are hoping to complete testing of another part of the machine, which sits in a 17 mile circular tunnel approximately 100 metres underneath the Franco-Swiss border, with the aim of seeing particles travel the whole way around for the first time." (telegraph.co.uk)

So if we don't live to see Monday, at least we'll know why, however it looks like September 10th is the official day this thing is going live. (Someone get ready to update that wikipedia page). So if we don't live to see September 11th, at least we'll know why.
Happy Friday!

The Sport The Olympics Really Should Shouldn't Should SHOULDN'T Be Televising

Final proof of the moral decline of man! Boycott the Olympics!


So did you know that the olympic athletes (and who knew that there were over 10,000 of them) have access to over 100,000 condoms in the olmypic village? That's the potential for a LOT of sex. And that's only counting the people that have "safe" sex. (Please note: there is no safe sex. the only safe sex is abstinence. Sex before marriage is a sin. You will go to hell.) If you figure an equal distribution of men v. women (EIGN statisticians have no access to data about homosexual athletes, so we'll assume that everyone there is straight as the arrow the gold medal archer uses.) (Please note: Homosexuality is a sin. You will go to hell.) then you have nearly 10 condoms for every athlete. They don't talk about this on NBC, do they? Star athletes at the olympics don't have sex, right? Wrong!

...Olympic organizers are providing 100,000 condoms for the 10,500 mostly young, well-conditioned athletes in Beijing...

Sex may not be an Olympic sport, but that won't stop athletes of all disciplines from going for the gold. And this time around, 100,000 might not be enough. In Sydney, Olympians went through 70,000 condoms, and 20,000 more had to be brought in. In Athens, 130,000 were distributed." (foxsports)

OH the humanity! "[The] fact is, Olympians have received free condoms at every Games since Barcelona in 1992 to raise awareness of AIDS." I now call on all Christians moral people everywhere to boycott the Olympics until this egregious behavior is banned and not sanctioned. Turn it off. Shame on the Olympics for promoting sin! Shame on YOU for watching! And just think about it. How many of those 10,500 athletes aren't even 18? Won't someone think of the children? Why won't someone think of the children?

(Pardon our headline editors crisis of conscious above. You will soon be able to visit him, and the Olympic athletes, in hell.)

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

A few weeks ago EIGN reader Jenn sent me this story from the Washington Post. I've been sitting on it for various reasons, including laziness, but it's pretty funny so I figured it was time to share.

Turtle's are now being used to hunt down your marijuana plants. Now it's not just scary dogs that are going to be sniffing you out. Reptiles are getting in on the game. How is anyone ever going to be able to grow weed any more? If we can somehow only train rodents then we'd finally win the war on drugs. While Nancy Reagan might be happy, I think that would piss off a large number of people. We'd end up with food riots, minus the food...

Okay. So maybe I took some journalistic liberties with this story (ie: embellished the story. ie: lied) in the previous paragraph; it turns out the US Park Police (who serve and protect some of my favorite places on the planet) just got really lucky when "turtle number 72" took a slow walk through the park and straight into a $6,500 batch of weed. Police simply waited for the 19 year old farmer to come in to harvest and arrested him. Oops.