Those Damn Russians Again.

Is it 2008 or 1962?

"The Russian military is considering deploying long-range bombers to Cuba to counter the perceived threat of the US missile defence shield planned to be based in the Czech Republic and Poland, according to Russian media reports Monday." (Deutsche Presse-Agentur via monstersandcritics.com)

Awesome.

Good News Wednesday XV: No More Ugly Girlfriends

Not exactly end of the world material, unless you consider what might happen to the human gene pool if more ugly people started breeding...

Good news for all of you guys with ugly girlfriends: You can now order Ugly Bags (see picture) in bulk. Simply put over your girlfriend's head and instant attraction. (If you like that 1970s Charlies Angels look) Or keep a stash at your place, doubling the amount of girls you might find acceptable to bring home to...um...meet your parents.

[UPDATE: 10:47am]
Attention Female FEIGNs (Friends of EIGN): dcgrrl18 pointed out that you can find the male version of the UGLY BAG here. So now we can eliminate ugly boyfriends or boy-toys too.

Time To Use Our Influence

Attention EIGN readers. Al Gore has requested that we get the word out to you.

"He repeated the challenge he issued to the country on Thursday to produce 100 percent of its electricity from renewable energy and clean, carbon-free sources within 10 years. And he called on the bloggers to help achieve that goal, saying they were on the leading edge of reclaiming democracy for the grass roots." (nytimes)

Gore is so right, EIGN is on the leading edge of everything. Just as NPR.

In all seriousness though, you can do something, anything, to help. Please?

If You Like the Cold, Head To France. It's Cooler Than Space!

Heads up. It's apparently COLDER THAN SPACE in some tunnels under the France/Swiss border. (That's in Europe, right?). The BBC reports that the CERN Lab designed to fire tiny particles at each other at speeds nearing that of light is one "cool" place. "The Large Hadron Collider is entering the final stages of being lowered to a temperature of 1.9 Kelvin (-271C; -456F) - colder than deep space." (bbc)

Now I know some of you might actually click on some of the links in this blog, and many of you won't. But this story merits a quick read, if only because it reads like something that you would read right here on EIGN, albeit with better editing, grammer grammar, and word choice and a whole lot less cursing.

Once the LHC is operational, two particle beams - usually consisting of protons accelerated to high energies - will be fired down pipes running through the magnets.

These beams will then travel in opposite directions around the main ring at close to the speed of light.

At allotted points along the tunnel, the beams will cross paths, smashing into one another with cataclysmic force. Scientists hope to see new particles in the debris of these collisions, revealing fundamental new insights into the nature of the cosmos and how it came into being.

The most powerful physics experiment ever built, the LHC will re-create the conditions just after the Big Bang.

Currently, six out of the LHC's eight sectors are between 4.5 and 1.9 Kelvin, though all sectors of the machine have been down to 1.9 Kelvin at some stage over the last few months.

By comparison, the temperature in remote regions of outer space is about 2.7 Kelvin (-270C; -454F).

HOLY CRAP!, I just read the caption on the picture included in the article: "The CMS detector will search for the Higgs boson - the so-called "God particle"."
What the fuck is a God particle? And what the fuck are we doing looking for it? And what happens if we find it? And what happens if we find it on December 21st, 2012? Do we really need to turn this thing on?

Sucks to You: Your Life is Now Worth 11 Percent Less

"The Associated Press examined the Environmental Protection Agency’s cost-benefit analysis over the past 12 years and came to a startling conclusion: The statistical value of an American life is worth almost $1 million less than it was five years ago." (christian science monitor)

The thought that life can be valued at all is really scary, but look on the bright side: the AP also notes that "the EPA places the highest amount of value on a human life of any government agency."
Wow, that makes me feel a whole lot better.

Happy friday. Please don't die.

Fake Tattoo Causes Stir

The Philly Inquirer reported yesterday about a women who received a temporary tattoo of a rose from a surgeon while under anesthesia.
I can't figure out what is the bigger sign of the impending apocalypse: how much of a fucking idiot this doctor is or that this woman is suing because she's "extremely emotionally upset by it." (philly.com)
Although I guess if I woke up after surgery and found a temporary rose tattoo below my panty line I'd be freaked out too.
No word if it looks like this.

Thanks to occasional EIGN reader jenn for the link.

GNW XIV: Beer Central to Evolution

EXTRA! EXTRA! "Suffice it to say that the good news is really good: Beer is a health food."

A few weeks ago we had a post about how being sarcastic is a sign that I'm better than you. (Or to generalize, that the sarcastic person is more evolved than the person without the sarcastic personality.)

Today we bring you this news: Beer is essential for civilization. "The development of civilization depended on urbanization, which depended on beer." Says George F. Will of the washington post.

Basically it goes like this. Alcohol has some anti-biotic properties to it. When civilization started to urbanize a long time ago (that is, if you believe in evolution and not that God threw us on this planet the way we are today) water quickly grew polluted and spread disease. So people turned to the hooch. They drank, a lot. "Dying of cirrhosis of the liver in your forties was better than dying of dysentery in your twenties."

To avoid dangerous water, people had to drink large quantities of, say, beer. But to digest that beer, individuals needed a genetic advantage that not everyone had... This ability is controlled by certain genes on chromosome four in human DNA, genes not evenly distributed to everyone. Those who lacked this trait could not, as the saying goes, "hold their liquor." So, many died early and childless, either of alcohol's toxicity or from waterborne diseases. (wapo)

The story ends with a quote I have never heard before, and one I will never forget. Ben Franklin, everyone's favorite idiot with a key, said at one point, "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Amen, Ben, Amen. Happy Wednesday.

That's a lot of plastic

Last week we had a post about garbage collecting in the ocean. A lot of that garbage was made up of plastics that take thousands of years to disintegrate.

EIGN reader jg3 then alerted us to this post over at CNN about all of the plastic shopping bags one gets when leaving the grocery store, walmart, your local porn shop, etc. And the numbers are mind-blowing.

Across the world more than 13 billion bags are issued every year to shoppers -- that's about 220 per person. On average they are used for 12 minutes before being discarded, but then they remain in the environment for thousands of years.
Across the world more than 13 billion bags are issued every year to shoppers -- that's about 220 per person. On average they are used for 12 minutes before being discarded, but then they remain in the environment for thousands of years. (cnn)

I am the first to admit that I contribute to these 13 billion bags (although I always re-use them for other purposes). I wouldn't if only I could remember to bring my re-usable sack to the store, but my memory is not what it used to be. Perhaps I should start playing this game again...I think it helped when I was young, but I can't really remember.